Anger Management - How To Have a Difficult Conversation Without Having an Argument

You can have a difficult conversation without having an argument or bursting into tears.

You can't change other people but you can change how you react to them.

If you can begin to understand how the other person sees things and what they actually want, you might find that you can negotiate with them and give them some of what they want without selling out.

Before having a difficult conversation ask yourself some questions

=> What, exactly, are they doing or not doing?

=> What do I find difficult about their behaviour?

=> How are they likely to react?

=> How can I change my behaviour?

=> What can I do to make things better?

=> What could I stop doing?

=> What could I ask?

=> What could I stop asking?

If you rehearse the conversation before actually having it, accept your responsibility in the situation and consider how you could change your behaviour, you're less likely to argue and more likely to have a successful conversation.

Ask yourself what the consequences of you reacting badly are likely to be. If you allow yourself to get angry or burst into tears you'll spoil your chances of resolving the situation.

Spend some time thinking about how their responses might affect you. What will you do to make sure you control your reactions? Think through your responses and decide beforehand what you will say if they respond predictably. If you have a clear idea of what you will say, you have more chance of steering the conversation to a successful conclusion.

Decide in advance how you will end the conversation if you or the other person loses control of their emotions. Find a way of walking away without making things worse and try again when you're both calmer.

Be realistic. Don't expect to resolve a big issue with one conversation. It's more realistic to settle for gradual improvement then to expect an instant solution.

Choose a calm moment. when you are unlikely to be undisturbed Explain what is upsetting you calmly and rationally. Raise the issue gently and give them time to consider what you've said.

And remember, "A gentle answer quiets anger but a harsh one stirs it up."