Think Before You Use Drugs - My Regret

Think before you use drugs is an easy thing for me to say now. I used to use drugs regularly for about 4 years. I started out smoking marijuana and ended up smoking crack and sniffing heroin and crystal meth. My story isn’t a story about how I brought my self down, how I became homeless or how I destroyed my brain. I did at one point I think have a small stroke when speed balling crystal meth and special K. I have managed to recover my brain function and I managed to go on with my life in a somewhat normal way.

I am a 31-year-old man who is fairly successful at his job, as successful as I want to be really. I have 2 beautiful children and one child on the way. My wife is wonderful... most of the time... if your married you know that is normal. I love my wife very much and she loves me. I have a great house in the suburbs and we go on great family vacations twice a year. So if my life is so perfect then why would I be telling you to think before you use drugs?

On the outside my life is perfect but I live with a dark secret that I wish every day I could erase. I was a big brother once. No that is not the dark secret that I harbor. The secret is that I was a bad influence on my little brother. I didn’t stand up for what I thought was right and lead him in the right direction. I didn’t lead him at all really. I was just a kid I tell myself. I didn’t understand the decisions that I had to make not only for myself but also for the people who look up to me.

Instead of leading I followed. I let my little brother lead me down a path of destruction. Not only did I follow but I encouraged and enabled. Somehow for now I have managed to escape the same consequences that my brother finally ended up facing. My consequences are different.

I have to live with the fact that my brother killed himself every day of my life. I have to live with the fact that I did nothing to stop the sequence of events that finally lead to his death. Of course I had no idea that what we were doing at the time would end up the way they did but is that really an excuse?

We both used major hard-core drugs together and man were they fun. You know what would be fun now? HAVING A BROTHER! HAVING MY BEST FRIEND! We always dreamed of raising kids together and going on family vacations together and moving on to the next stage of live together.

Every time that I paint a wall in my house by myself, every time that I go on a family vacation, a trip to the zoo, anytime where he used to be there to help me or enjoy life with me I wish I could go back and stand up and be what a big brother should be; a good influence and a protector. I would give back every single time I ever got high in a second to have my brother back in my life.

Some of you may have people in your lives people who are as close as a brother. That is great for you. This story is for you also. You are an influence on someone’s life. You are leading someone. You are setting an example.

Think before you use drugs because you may not be hurting yourself. You could be killing your brother; you could be killing your best friend.